Februrary 28, 2007 - So Tell Me About Africa! 

God is so good!
God has been teaching me so much through my time here;
But not because He can't speak in our everyday situations back home,
But because I am here, and am seeking Him during my time here.

Lent came at the perfect time for me as well! The midway point of my first time in Rwanda, when all of us were beginning to feel and really show the wear and stress accumulated from trying to acclimate to the atmosphere here; not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. And God brought about Lent. :) I know it would have come whether I needed it and would make use of it now or not, but I honestly didn't even remember it was coming until it was here! You kinda lose track of time here sometimes. :)

God laid it on my heart to devote myself more wholly to Him and seeking Him out, and for Lent this is being played out through my goals of reading a book, (Through Gates of Splendor – Elizabeth Elliot) and listening to a sermon series (Mastering the Art of Living – Rob Bell) before Easter. A 19 chapter book and a 14 part sermon series; these will keep me pretty busy and SO well-fed during Lent; only one week in, and I am already changed. Mukama Yebuzebwe; Praise God!

So, back to Africa… :)

I am surrounded by a blessing of a group of people; my fellow Go-Ed students. We all click so well. And I am so encouraged and challenged by them! We have grown together as a community so fast, because experiences like these just lend themselves to that!

We have learned patience. And even when we don't feel like being patient, knowing that you have absolutely no choice teaches your spirit something else, too! Africa's theme is "Hurry up and wait", and even when you expect to wait an hour, your patience is still tried even more sometimes!

We have learned that nothing is assured; you can't assume anything, or expect anything, (except God!) because things will let you down! This has been displayed in SO many ways, from learning not to complain about cold showers, or how to not be surprised when the "shower" is merely a trickle… You learn not to expect the presence of internet or even electricity to be constant! (It becomes a good thing when you plug something in and it sparks!)

You learn to accept that variety in food is a novelty. :) It really is good food, don't get me wrong; I am really going to miss chapatti, Maracuja, and passion fruit, and those amazing little bananas… but food is a COMMON topic of conversation; We regularly discuss foods that we miss, that we look forward to eating as soon as possible after May 1st… (I have found that one of my biggest struggles is when the group stops at a grocery store for something; getting out without spending any money is an accomplishment. Getting out without lusting over many a longed for food; impossible!)

February 23, 2007 - Change in Views 

Last week I described how I am apathetic to current events. I think that has not changed in this week and I realized that I’m apathetic to even more things than current events. It’s really easy to stay in a nice, large, house with wireless internet if you have to go a long ways to go anywhere and deal with the neighborhood kids every time you go outside. If I even did get the courage to go outside I wasn’t feeling like trying to communicate with someone who didn’t understand English. Then even today I also had a conversation with a few people about our voting rights and how we should take advantage of them if that is one of the few things that controls politicians who have the ability to change a lot of issues like poverty specifically. So in the past two weeks I’ve learned that I’m apathetic towards current events, politics and even going outside to experience this culture which I won’t have forever to experience.

Now how does that affect what I’m learning about, the genocide, and my attitude towards it. My argument for not voting when I have the opportunity was the following:

What real change is one vote going to do in the long run, and even if it does make a difference, how am I going to know which person will make that difference in the end.” If I voted for Al Gore, Bush still would’ve won, but even if he didn’t how would I know that thousands of Americans and Iraqis would be dead right now. So really what difference would one vote make?

Before I get to how this affects me and the genocide I want to tell you a story. I’ve been working on a drum project to help pay for students in Uganda to go to school. The idea came from a conversation with Moses, a student struggling to pay for his much desired college education. I wanted to start a type of grassroot business and help pay for more students like Moses, but every once in a while I get frustrated with some challenges and think about dropping it altogether. “No,” I tell myself, “If I can help just Moses, I will do it to help him.”

If all I have is one small vote, at least I can give it. At least I can help one Ugandan get through college. I cannot be apathetic to the genocide and Rwanda’s future. These experiences of this week have made me realize that even one small contribution is still a step upwards. My mom told me before I left that even the longest journey starts with just one step. The road to peace and reconciliation also starts with just one step.

So my views on life have changed this week, and I’ve started taking a few small steps. I finally stepped outside and went to town, played some soccer, and even played with the neighborhood kids. I’ve taken a larger step inside me to be satisfied with taking small steps when little change can be seen in the near future. Can one small step or idea or interaction help bring peace and reconciliation? I think so.

February 21, 2007 - Kwinezeza Abana 
 

That is Kinyarwandan for "To enjoy children." That is precisely what I did today. Today was a very unassuming day, one that did not promise to be extremely eventful. Those are the best days. We had a speaker in class today who was wonderful. He is a preacher and speaks very good English. He came to talk with us today about reconciliation and the role of the church before, during, and after the genocide. It was very interesting to hear his perspective. He had some challenging, yet honest points to make about the downfall of the church during this whole ordeal, and it applies to us now as well. Too often, the church becomes complacent in its environment, allowing people to sidestep the uncomfortable issues and focus too much on the distant future instead of the present situation. He was careful to be politically correct, but we assured him, we were comfortable with him referencing the Bible and God, as we are all Christian students. He brought up a very challenging perspective when he told a personal story of preaching in Australia. He said he was asked what people were doing about the genocide in Rwanda, and he asked them what they were doing about the genocide in Australia. Baffled, they asked what he was talking about, thinking he was referencing the aborigines or something. What he said next pinned them down: "I am referring to the 800,000 children killed this past year." The Rwandan genocide was responsible for the deaths of approximately 1 million Tutsis, Hutus, and Twas. However, the genocide of these unborn children was just as big of a tragedy. The genocide in Rwanda was caused by the Hutus' considering Tutsis to be nothing more than a nuisance. The genocide of abortion in Australia was because people considered those unborn children to be a nuisance. "How can you differentiate the two?" he challenged. This is a problem with the church.

We sometimes worry too much about stepping on peoples' toes, and before you know it, we have become complacent and entirely too calloused with the issues that decay our spiritual and moral livelihood and lead to the breakdown and ultimate destruction of societies. That's what happened in Rwanda. It wasn't a problem that arose overnight. No, this was a longstanding problem of despising and hating people. The church failed to teach unconditional love and it led to a major explosion of hatred that would cost much more than people realized.

On a lighter note, we ventured out this evening, after the heat of the day, and as we often find, we are never disappointed by our time spent interacting with the people here. Tonight, a few of us ventured out. As soon as we left the guest house property, we were greeted by adults and children alike, although the children decided to tag along on our journey. We finally made it to the soccer field, each girl carrying a child, and having 3 or 4 trying to hold our hands. The little girl I was carrying was so precious and beautiful. I didn't think she could talk until we approached the field, and she piped up, informing me that her name was Vanessa. She was absolutely adorable, and my new best friend of the night. We decided to take our mob of kids over away from the soccer game, because it was older guys and a little dangerous for our crowd to be so close. We ended up finding BASKETBALL courts, and I immediately felt at home.

We got a ball, and with about 25 kids running around, we "coordinated" the best game of pickup basketball ever. It was absolutely amazing. We didn't even have a rim on the backboard, but it wasn't necessary. And while the kids shot at the backboard, that wasn't even the main focus. The game had no score and there weren't even official teams. It was simply a good time, and a bridge between our world and theirs. It is so incredible to play with children. They have no predispositions, no biases, no reservations. They just wanted someone to play with them and give them affection. I hugged more children than I could count tonight. Each one was so eager and excited, just to touch my skin or my hair (which is quite different from theirs: thin and fine and longer). It was truly moving. I praise God for the chance to interact with these children each night. As we walked home at dusk, I once again had a posse of about 5 or 6 children hanging from every limb. I didn't mind though. I thanked God for this amazing opportunity, and that they were so excited to be with the Mzungus. We sang the whole way back, mostly the chant "Nananana, nananana, hey hey hey, goodbye"---that was an easy one for them to pick up, as most speak no English and very little French even. Then, we pulled out a unifying song, which we sang first in Kinyarwanda, and next in English:

"Imana inzi nya, Imana inzi nya, Imana inzi nya, Inzi nya cha le!"
"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me!"

It was so amazing to just connect in those simple ways. A hug, a kiss, holding a precious little hand, or carrying one of the small ones on my back. I just thank God for each of these beautiful children, and for their unconditional love. I am learning more each day why Christ was drawn to the youth. They draw me closer to Him as well. May you be a little more childlike as you go throughout your day. Not in the immature way, but in the unbiased, non-judgmental way. Love someone in spite of how they look or act or where they are from. Reach out to a stranger, or give someone who is hurting a hug. It will make you feel better too! May Christ teach you something fresh and new today and every day. May you have the open mind and the open eyes to take it in.

Februrary 21, 2007 - Of murder, murders, justice, forgiveness 

In contrast to yesterday, today we went and met genocide survivors: killers and their victims. We went to a peace building and reconciliation center and listened to the stories of men and women who had done or experienced terrible evil. The first man stood up and confessed to getting out of prison for participating in the genocide, he had killed many people, he had killed the family of a woman and when he had gotten out of prison he had a heavy feeling on his heart because of it, he went to the woman let her know what had happened to her husband (how he had died), that he was so sorry, and asked for her forgiveness. Over time she was able to forgive him and now they live together as neighbors, if she ever needs anything she goes to him for help. That woman than gave her story, and then another murderer and the woman who had chosen to forgive him and then another pair of people. I know that the angels were rejoicing through all of the pain and regret that was still rampant in that room, there was love and forgiveness, that much was undeniable. Only God can heal souls like that. It was the biggest miracle I had ever seen. There is no such thing as justice, no judicial court can restore to the people what was taken from them and no sentence can cause a criminal to repent: only God can heal those wounds and only God can change those hearts. One of the women told us how, "God had come to her in a vision" before the man who murdered her family came to ask her for forgiveness and she knew that because of this she had to forgive him. Another woman during the court cases said that a particular man was a known killer and had killed many Hutu's and that for a period of time he would come to her house everyday to kill her and her family but she would be down on her knees praying before he got there and God protected her. God is still performing miracles today. He is a good God and He alone remains Sovereign.

February 17, 2007 - A Valentine's Day Story 

A couple friends and I pack up and head to downtown Kigali to check out some of the local stores. We make some friends at a cloth store and then we come to the shoe store.

The store has about 5 or 6 Rwandan women who mostly speak Kinyurwanda (language of Rwanda), French, and just a little English. The entire time we’re speaking what little of each language we know to try and carry on a regular conversation. Eventually, someone notices that one of the girls with us is engaged and then the topic of Valentine’s Day begins.

After a few minutes of trying to decrypt one of the ladies’ sentences we finally figure out that she wants us to give them a gift for Valentines. Then they all start talking in French and I turn around to one of the women pointing their finger at me. Apparently, this particular lady wanted a gift from me specifically.

Now, if you’ve been in Uganda or Rwanda for any amount of time you become very aware of a visitor’s responsibility to share something with the host on most occasions. In such situations the easiest escape is to sing a song. So under the glowing eyes of this hopeful Rwandan woman, I look to our group and plea for a diversion.

“We can sing a song,” I timidly suggest. The group comes to my rescue and we sing Happy Valentine’s to the tune of Happy Birthday. It’s a hit and I’ve somewhat successfully avoided an awkward situation. After we sing, they serenade us and dance to what seems to be a local Rwandan song. After many pictures and many good byes, au revior’s, kwaheri’s, and maybe a welaba or two, we start to head out.

As I walk out the door there’s a young street vender walking around selling valentine’s gifts. He has a plastic rose and I think to myself, “What could it hurt — you only live once.” Of course in the back of mind I’m just thinking I’ll just walk up to the woman who wanted a gift from me, make a couple laughs and smiles, and head on our way once again.

I buy the light-up plastic rose for 2 bucks, turn around, and head toward the door of the store to present my Valentine gift. As soon as I take a few steps toward the door, I’m greeted with a barrage of, “Ohhhhh’s!” and lots of giddy laughter from our newly made friends. My soon-to-be valentine is inside and doesn’t see me coming yet.

When I walk in, the store erupts. I hand over my gift with a smile and lean towards the exit but I’m cut off by crowd that had gathered from the street to come and see what the mazungus (white people) and all the noise was about. I’m grabbed on the arm by one of her friends and drug deeper into the store.

“Now you have to give her kisses, kisses! Come!” she says! A common saying here in Africa is ‘expect the unexpected’ and that’s exactly what I got. She runs around the counter like lightning, comes right up to my face, turns her cheek and leans closer in anticipation. Time freezes and my mind goes through every thought in my head. Somehow the spinning wheel’s happen to land on, “Hey, you’re in Africa — you only live once.” I lean down and plant one on her cheek. Mind you, this is only the 5th time I’ve kissed a woman — my mom, both of my grandma’s, my friend’s mom, and now some random Rwandan lady who works in a shoe store.

That’s my Valentine’s Day story and I’m sticking to it. Hope you all had a wonderful and somewhat less awkward Valentine’s back in the states.

Februrary 15, 2007 - What is Poverty? 

Poverty. What is poverty? Is it living in a brick house with a rusting tin roof or a circular mud hut with a dirt floor? Is it cutting grass with a dull machete or hauling bananas for miles on a bike? Is it working on a foreign tea plantation or trying to raise a garden at home? Is it bumpy, dusty roads or narrow beaten paths? Is it a child with no pants or a child with no clothes? Is it walking to school with no shoes or is it not affording to go to school? Is it not eating for an entire day or is it dying from the preventable disease called malaria? Is it children or adults? It is rural or is it urban? Is it black? Is it white? Is it African? Asian? American? Do you know? I thought I used to know – now I’m not so sure.

Is it glasses that don’t fit the African nose or families without a bike or fetching water from a swamp? Is it the life of the shoe shiner, the MTN man, or the woman at the Friday market? Is it primary or secondary or even university? Can education free someone? Is the family the chains that hold? Or are they the support which makes life bearable? I thought I used to know – now I’m not so sure.

What is poverty? Can it be defined? Or can it only be pictured in the mind? Does it stay the same? Or does it change with time? I thought I used to know – Now I’m only sure that it is real and that it takes many different forms. It is economic, physical, spiritual. It affects an individual, a village. It affects a city and a nation. It affects a continent. It affects the world. Africa- yes it is poor, but it is rich too. America- yes it is rich, but it is poor too.

Poverty. What is poverty? Right now I have no idea. But I am learning. I’m beginning to see the many faces that poverty has and what I can do about it. I’m beginning to see the hope in the promise “The poor you will always have among you.” The poor we will always have among us. Only God is bigger than poverty. As long as there is poverty, there is a need for Christ. He can overcome poverty – in all of its forms and in all of its locations.

Poverty. It exists. But so does my God. What more hope can the poor have? What more hope can I have?

None- so it is here I must remain – not understanding, not knowing, but trusting and hoping with all my being.

February 14, 2007 - The Children's Stories 

There was one room that was particularly powerful to me. In it were huge lighted photographs of children that had been killed during the genocide. Their family gave the museum their picture (a lot of times the only one they had) and their story, in the softly lit rooms below each big beautiful picture of some happy, precious, and big-eyed child was further information, here are a few of the children's stories:

Uwase (pictured happily in a lacy white dress)
Age: 2 years
Favorite toy: Doll
Favorite food: Rice and chips
Best friend: Daddy
Behavior: Good girl
Cause of death: Smashed against a wall

Patrick Gashugi Shimirwa
Age: Five
Favorite sport: Riding his bicycle
Favorite food: Chips, meat, and eggs
Best friend: His sister
Behavior: Quiet, well-behaved boy
Cause of death: Hacked by a machete

Fidele Ingabire
Age: 9
Favorite sport: Football
Favorite food: Chips
Enjoyed: Watching tv and playing with other kids
Last words: "Guseng- pray"
Cause of death: Shot in head

David Mugiraneza
Age: 10
Favorite sport: Football
Enjoyed: Making people laugh
Dream: To become a doctor
Last word: "UNAMIR will come for us"
Cause of death: Tortured to death

Ariane Umutoni
Age: 4
Favorite food: Cake
Favorite drink: Milk
Enjoyed: Singing and dancing
Behavior: A neat little girl
Cause of death: Stabbed in the eyes and head

Irene Umutoni (6) and Umamwezi (7)
Sisters
Favorite toy: Doll that they shared
Favorite food: Fresh fruit
Behavior: Daddy's girls
Cause of death: Grenade thrown into their shower

Organ Hubert Kirenga
Age: 2
Favorite toy: Car
Favorite food: Rice with sauce
Best friend: Nig sister
Last memory: Saw mom dying
Cause of death: Shot in the head

Nadi Chanelle
Age: 8
Favorite sport: Jogging with her dad
Favorite food: Chocolate
Favorite drink: Milk
Enjoyed: Music and dancing
Cause of death: Hacked to death by a machete

I'm not writing any of this in order to guilt, not in the least bit. But it upsets me that it took a movie coming out, some 10 years after it happened for me to even hear about over one million people being brutally murdered by their fellow countrymen. "Genocide is likely to occur again. Learning about it is the first step to understanding it. Understanding it is imperative to respond to it. Responding to it is essential to save lives. Otherwise, 'Never Again!' will remain 'Again and Again...!' "

Although I know that I need to do far more scripture memory than I do, last night God really laid it on my heart while doing my devotions before bed to start memorizing this verse:

Isaiah 16:4
The oppressor will come to an end, and destruction will cease,
The aggressor will vanish from the land.
In love a throne will be established, in faithfulness a man will sit on it
One from the house of David- one who in judging seeks justice,
And speeds the cause of righteousness.

February 14, 2007 - Tomorrow Lost 

Today was our first full day in Rwanda, and we started it out with a bang -- a visit to the Rwanda Genocide Memorial Center. We’re here for a Peacebuilding and Reconciliation class -- 3 weeks of emotionally tense look at the genocide that happened here 10 years ago.

At the Memorial Center we visited, there are memorial gardens, designed to symbolize the former unity, then the divisions, and the current efforts to reunify the country. There are also graves where over 256,000 bodies are now buried, only 2000 of which are identified with names. The walk through the center itself was a heart-wrenching experience. The history and explanations of all of the events, and the aftermath that is still felt today.

I’m pretty confident that a number of people reading this have no clue what I’m talking about -- in some ways that’s good, because terrible things like this should never occur. At the same time -- everyone needs to know about this so that it never happens again.

Rwanda was a country made up of one tribe of people within which were 18 clans, all speaking one language. The Germans came in and colonized the country, at which time they selected the Tutsi’s (one of the socio-economic classes) as their favorites, giving them rights and priviledges and suppressing the Hutu majority. At this point, there began to be a rift between these two classes; earlier, the 2 groups were not so distinct, and there was nothing that kept them at arm’s length from each other.

After their defeat in WWI, the German colony was handed over to Belgian control. I believe at this point the Hutu’s started getting the upper hand, and many Tutsi’s fled the country, seeking refuge in the neighboring countries. The Hutu’s continued to gain power, and discrimination against the Tutsi’s grew as retribution for the favor they had had under the Germans. (It’s hard to follow how all of this happened -- but stay with me…) Eventually, Rwanda gained it’s independence, and the Hutu’s were in power. Massacres began happening against the Tutsis and any Hutus who were sympathetic to them. This escalated into full-fledged genocide of the Tutsis. Neighbors would turn on neighbors, friends on friends, even family members again family members.

I’m studying with a group of 18 students from across the US. We range in age from 19-23. Yesterday, we had a few Ugandan friends with us… we can be a loud, excited group when we feel like it, and we have good times together. On the bus to the memorial, we were laughing, joking, singing like usual. About 2 minutes into the memorial, though, and we were completely sobered and silent. At the end of the walk through the building, many of us were wiping away tears as we looked at the pictures of innocent children who literally were hacked to pieces, in a section titled “Tomorrow Lost”. The bus ride back to our guesthouse was the quietest we’ve ever had- we were all in a state of shock, our minds numbed. We drove through the city, and I realized that almost every person we passed had lived through what we had just seen. Almost every person has a memory of sheer terror. Almost every person is still grieving the brutal loss of loved ones.

How? How did this happen? What could enter into the mind of a person to be so evil? How could that person influence so many others to take part? How? Why? Why did so many have to lose their lives? Why did a handful of people so thoroughly indoctrinate the youth to such a degree? Why did the rest of the world turn its back?

How? Why? And why hasn’t the world learned? The world declared that the Holocaust would never happen again -- but it has, in places all around the globe. This isn’t an African problem -- this is a world problem. It’s Kosovo, it’s Cambodia, it’s Iraq. When will the world listen? Why won’t the world listen?

God has promised to redeem the land, to break the power of the oppressor, to release the captive, to set the prisoner free. God has put humans in place to exact that plan -- but if the humans won’t, God will do it in His mighty power, and those who have refused to act will stand in judgment, I feel sure of that. Please -- don’t let this happen again!

February 14, 2007 - Rwanda Genocide 

I will admit that I had prayed a lot about coming to Rwanda, particularly since I knew I was coming here for three weeks simply to understand about the genocide, what happened, and how to prevent it from happening in the future. I was worried that with every sinful and judgmental tendency that I have that I would come with at least some sort of prejudice against some of the people and what some of them had done. However, God has truly filled me with His grace on this issue as I have yet to struggle with that at all since so much as thinking about coming here. He has given me a grace to love these people and understand why what happened happened and to have a heart that feels for the sorrow that is still seeped deep into this beautiful land. For once I feel no room to judge and it is a beautiful thing.

For our first 24 hour day in Rwanda I can honestly say it was nothing but intense. The museum was quality, it was not going for shock value, or random details but instead it clearly, conceptually, and fully described what happened. Who, what, why, and when the people began to divide in Rwanda, the genocide, and the aftermath. In just three months, over a million people were brutally murdered. "If you must remember, remember this... The Nazis did not kill six million Jews... nor did the Interahamew kill a million Tutsis, they killed one and then another and then another.. Genocide is not a single act of murder, it is millions of acts of murder." -Stephen D. Smith

There is nothing removed about the genocide that happened in Rwanda 12 years ago: I cannot think of a country that is not dripping with blood on their hands from many innocent lives that they have taken. America is hardly exempt. We knew what was brewing, the entire world did, there was no surprise. Rwanda was simply too insignificant, too poor, too small, and too "black" to be worthwhile in helping. There are genocides happening today, are you aware? I know I am not nearly as I should be. Are you doing something about it?

I remember talking to a godly woman who lived in Rwanda before the genocide and left right when things got bad, it bothered me a little bit, but I was more interested in what the lead-up to the genocide was like and asking questions about that that I forgot to wonder if I thought that was the right approach to have taken. The number of diplomatic troops used in the evacuation of foreign peoples would have been sufficient to stop the genocide. Most foreign workers left colleagues, employees, and friends to the hand of killers. It is true that when a country has become that violent that there is not much you can do... but is there? There were many Hutu men and woman who risked (and often gave) their life in order to save, 1- 20- sometimes hundreds of Tutsis. People did need hope, and protection, it would have been very dangerous but the more I have reflected on it the more I think that it would have been right to stay.

There's no use asking myself, "What if I had been living in Kigali at that time, would I have left?" Because I wasn't. However the thought of living in an unstable African country is not a far off idea for me in the future. What would I, could I, do? Am I willing? I am confident that these three weeks will give me an inside look on, "Peacekeeping and Reconciliation" as the class we are in is so aptly called, and a much better understand of what happened here and is going on still in other parts of the world.

February 11, 2007 - Morning of the Safari 
 

6 am- wake up w/ the 9 other girls in my house, put on some dusty clothes from the day before, brush some greasy hair into 2 braids, grab a camera and a bottle of water

6:15 am- turn off the lights, follow the girls out and lock the door to the hostel; pray no lion jumps out of the bushes as you walk from the house and climb into the van, and don’t trip over the wart-hog and mongoose sleeping next to the porch; look for eyes in the bushes as the head-lights sweep over them

6:45- ask Makasa to slow down for a minute as the 6 of us in the van climb out the windows onto the roof- the best vantage point for spotting lions and elephants, and the best view of the savannah and sunrise

6:48- the awesome wonder of the African sun peaking over the edge of the world; spit some dust out of my mouth, and laugh at each other because we’re so intoxicated at being alive

7:15- still reveling in the sunrise, and struck speechless by the sight of the mist rising from the trees; we’ve seen water bucks, wart-hogs, Ugandan kobs, elephants, and birds galore…

I lose track of any sense of time after this. We wander through the savannah, looking for animals, wiping dust out of our eyes, laughing at the grime covering our faces from the dirt kicked up by the bus in front of us, swinging our feet over the edge of the van, feeling so alive. We get slightly stuck in the mud. See another vehicle stopped on a track to the left of us, looking through binoculars… we go to check it out, while the bus heads to the right to see what they can find.

Awesome!!! There before us in the grass are 5 lionesses!! We stand up on the roof, looking through binoculars and camera zooms. The pictures don’t come out too clearly, but there they are!! This is amazing! We’ve got to find the others; they’ll be so jealous!!! Makasa turns the van around, and we hold on for dear life. Now, for one of the greatest and happiest moments of my entire life… we drive through the savannah, the wind in our faces, no dust this time- just us and the sun rising over the African plain. No other humans in view. We’re in AFRICA! We’re on a SARARI!! We just saw lions!! We can’t contain ourselves anymore, we have to start singing praises to God. The plain continues, the wind slaps our faces, and we imagine Jesus descending on the cloud in front of us. This is glorious! Our arms raise in the air, so in love with life, with God…

February 9, 2007 - A Question to God 
 

There is a question that I have fought about with God for so long, how dare He say that if he clothes the lilies of the fields and fields the sparrows, how much will He take care of His children when every 5 seconds A CHILD DIES FROM STARVATION. Although I still do not claim to have gained a satisfying answer, today I have been given a jolting awakening, (thanks of course to the Holy Spirit and another student).

I John 5:14 reads: This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that He hears us- whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of Him.

And Luke 18 starts off with, "Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up... will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on earth?"

I get upset that God is doing nothing to alleviate the suffering of those here, and I do all that I can do on my own, trying to save kids through everything except Him. A long time ago I gave up praying for children who were starving, and who had nowhere to sleep, and who were victims of war etc-. A long time ago I chalked it all up in essence for either being too big for God to handle or for some reason beyond his desire to care. I quit praying. I quit interceding for those children to our Heavenly Father a long time ago. "I believe that when we quit asking God for justice and relief to the oppressed, He quits giving it." I know many godly people who fight for injustice but scarce few who get on their hands and knees and pray to our God, the Creator of the universe, and God of all ages to feed the hunger, cloth the poor, and comfort the orphan.

"God, why do you allow such suffering in this world, and then do nothing about it?"
"No my child, the question is, why do you?"

Also, please pray that our team can give with abandon this Thursday as we go out to buy materials for an orphanage that is literally just around the corner but that has terrific needs. Although the babies there are better off there than, well, dead since as babies they would'nt have survived long in the street or garbage where they were found, the conditions are pretty harsh in the orphanage and so we have compiled a list and will be buying as many materials as each person feels led to buy to give to the kids, I am really excited for this opportunity and am expecting big things from this team. I love and miss you all.

P.S. Just in case you didn't know I will be traveling to Rwanda this Friday for three weeks for a Peacekeeping and Conflict Resolution class that is said to be amazing but draining, needless to say I'm stoked.

Februrary 5, 2007 - I just want to say: I like Africa. Thank you 

so yesterday was a typical day in uganda. you wake up, you have a hazy idea of what your day will be like, and it ends up being incredible. take sunday for example, we went to this church that also has an orphanage. the service was amazing. i felt so at home. in an african church of all places. there was so much dancing and singing it was wonderful! afterwards we went out to some American fast food joint and honestly, it made me sick. burgers just aren't so appealing anymore...(call me crazy!) and then we went to the orphanage. it took a while to get there, but when we arrived all the children made a trail for us to walk through - all 800 of them! the marching band was playing in the background - it was a big affair! they gave us a whole assembly where they performed singing, dancing, and instrumental music. those kids are way too cool for their own good!

im not sure whats happening, but i love this place: africa. the people are amazing. warm. friendly. and there is never a dull moment. im starting to feel at home here for the first time in 4 weeks. and it feels good.

February 3, 2007 - Taking Care of the Poor 

I came the closest I had ever come to crying yesterday as I was walking in town.

As with any large city there’s always the homeless and poor. And there’s one main question – What can I do for them that will really help them?

Can I just give them a couple bucks? Maybe my leftover meal? Give them my stocking cap or gloves? You might be able to take one person to go and buy them a meal and maybe talk with them a bit. There are so many poor and homeless – I can’t possibly feed them all, or give them all enough clothes, or give shelter to every homeless. And if I just help 1 or 100,000 there’s still going to be poor and homeless.

I about broke down when I walked passed a homeless family yesterday. There was one young boy about 4 years old, naked, and crying his eyes out at his mother who was in the street begging the people in the taxis for money. At four or five years old I have wonderful memories of playing with Matchbox cars outside in the dirt. Then I put myself in that boy’s place for a split second. Looking for his mother to come back – waiting to get food – waiting for clothes – waiting for his childhood or was he going to miss that? The hopelessness he showed at that moment instantly made me so thankful for what I was blessed with and at the same time, I was devastated at their situation.

What can you do?

February 3, 2007 - Drum Project Update 

I’m in a Development Economics class in which we have to do a research paper on a local business. Guess what I’m going to research? That’s right, the drum making business – I already have some contacts and if it’ll definitely help me find the best way to start the Drums for Africa Project. I’m always looking to kill two birds with one stone.

That’s not the big news though. I talked to Gideon yesterday (one of my drum maker contacts) and mentioned coming to his shop and interviewing him for my economics paper. He agreed and then asked me if there was a market for his drums in the states. “Funny you should mention that,” I replied. I proceeded to explain the idea to help Ugandan students pay for college. He really wanted to jump into it and get it rolling! He said he could send me back with a couple good drums for me to sell and see how well they sell and how well they shipped etc. He wants me to show him how I want them packed and shipped and he’ll send me up to five drums a week or so! I send him a cut to cover cost, shipping, and labor and then rest goes to students in Uganda like Moses! It was so encouraging and I am now pretty confident this idea will really kick off!

Today, I also mailed off my first drum to the states and got a good idea of some shipping methods and prices. The shipping is probably is the most critical part of the entire project because the condition of the drum getting to the states. Shipping is also the most expensive part of the project. If I didn’t have to ship there’d be at least 20000% profit (make it for $10 and sell for $200) as opposed to 900% profit with shipping ($10 + $100 shipping and sell for $200). Either way it’s a good business and the shipping wasn’t as much as I thought it would be.

February 3, 2007 - How to have a broken heart 

Yesterday was another amazing day in Uganda. I needed to mail some letters, and one of the other students (the dreadlocked one in the pictures) wanted to ship a drum back to the US, so after lunch we started to walk into the city. We realized that we’d forgotten sunscreen…thankfully, it actually didn’t matter, no sunburns. We took a few detours, trying to discover some more things in the city- at one point we walked out of a group of shops onto a balcony overlooking the taxi park where hundreds of people were milling around: vendors and hawkers promoting their wares; vans and trucks moving around; everyone trying to pick around the mud from the morning’s downpour. It was a mass of humanity below me, a swirl of moving colors, like so many ants in their busy-ness. The feelings that washed over me- it still gives me cold chills. All those people, all that movement- and every single one of them a beloved creation of God Almighty, formed from the dust of the earth in His very own image. People who were created for the glory of God. It is a picture in my mind’s eye that words could never express, b/c words don’t contain the sounds and smell and breeze and sun that go with it…

We walked down the outside steps, and that mass of humanity became focused for me on what humanity has become. A woman- shriveled, dirty, and pathetic, was curled up at the bottom of the stairs on a sack with a dirty, scratched blue plastic bowl held out in front of her. There was no glory in her presence, no dignity in her stance. Her back was to me, and her body, slumped against the railing, was dejected. How does that give God glory? What has humanity become???

We went to the post office, spent quality time learning the Ugandan postal system (aka…long time spent in long lines while people continually pushed in front of us), and then started walking to the National Theater to check out what programs were being shown that night- a group of us were curious to see a Ugandan show.

As we walked, we came across a group of kids dressed rags, looking much like the woman at the bottom of the stairs. Our white skin made them perk up. I was distracted from them, though, when I saw another child a few yards ahead of me on the sidewalk. This child was about 2-3 years old, and standing naked next to one of the posts by the road. Tears were streaming down it’s face, and it grabbed onto the pole to support itself as it screamed “Momma!” at the top of the lungs. Sobs were wracking the little body and the tears were blinding the child standing only a foot from the crazy traffic going by. I looked for the mother, or whatever the child was screaming toward- I saw her making her way through the traffic, dirty and sullen, walking up to the windows of the matatus and holding out her hand in hopes of receiving a few shillings. The mother kept up her search, and the child the sobbing screams. I was terrified that the little one would step out into the traffic.

It takes more time to read this than it did for it to actually happen- but again, it was one of those images that was seared in my mind. An image so uncomfortable but one that I never want to forget- as much as it haunts, I want to hear that child and see that scene forever, I want it to be the prod I need to act on the needs of this world.

I wish that was the end of the heart-wrenching. The rest of the afternoon was spent at a couple of markets. People seem intrigued and then so open when they find out we are students, and we’ve come to Uganda specifically to study their culture and learn from them. I met several women from Masaka, where I was last weekend, who make mats- again, their stories are of children needing to go to school and not having the monetary means to do that- they want to know, can we help them? If only we could help everyone we met…we still would never be able to satisfy the needs.

Later, as we walked home in the evening (a few others from the group had met us and we went to the National Theater for a show… food for several more pages of writing!) we were again beset by children on the streets. One of the students took a coin out of her bag and handed it to a child. Two of them came running back, hanging on one of the student’s arm, asking for more, and the one had tears streaming down her face. How can you just keep giving out money? Her face was torn with pity for the child and not knowing how to handle it. Just then we passed a vendor with fried cakes- she stopped and bought both of the children several cakes.

We’re always unsure what to do with these kids- how to we give to all of them? We’re trying to come up with a last solution, and we’re still not sure. I think the student did the right thing, and as I watched it all happen, my heart was broken again over these children. We had been hurrying back for our suppers here at the guesthouse, but after that last incident, I was no longer hungry for the tasty food Lawrence the cook prepares for us here. Praying for the kids isn’t enough, but neither is giving them money. Where is the balance to be found?

I was hoping that in coming to Uganda, learning from a well-established development agency, I would be able to get answers to some of these heart-wrenching questions about poverty that I have. Instead, I’m finding that I’m just as confused and heart-broken as ever. All these unanswered questions in my mind, and I’m trying to figure out what to do with them- and what God’s trying to tell me through it all.

February 2, 2007 - Ways I'm already able to serve 

It's kind of crazy to think that three weeks have already flown by and that in just one more I will be heading out to Rwanda to set out for another set of crazy adventures and lessons on love and learning. God continues to speak to me in many ways. I have been given so much peace about my educational goals and my decision to pursue photography and graphic design at ASU. I keep seeing it as such an incessant need, to inform people on the situations in Africa and to present them with a powerful, real, tangible, yet hopefilled and beautiful depiction of the people and their lives here. There are so many organizations that need a bigger marketing base, so many non-profits and businesses and such, and God is very clearly showing me ways in which I already am able to help, it has been a very exciting thing indeed.